What do I do with my stuff????

Today once again I am reminded of "change". So many times throughout my day I hear about change...how do we change this....a co-worker's attitude....a process at work that simply does not work....a computer system that refuses to cooperate....how do I embrace change....in myself....and in others??? And when I judge others by my concepts of what change is....what does that make me? So I am creating behavior in others that I believe to be acceptable....by trying to change them....and still here I am....desiring change in myself so desperately....and wanting that same life giving...life changing.....life fullfilling change for others. And bottom line I am ready....but I am just not sure what ready looks like. I am wanting to quit my job.....move to some inner city somewhere and just live off the land....but not yet....because here in this place.....we are planted...at our church....we have something to learn....here....somehow...here....but in the end....at the end of me...which I don't think I have come to understand my limits...my outer boundaries...my silent space if you will.....the end of me....is a place that has forsaken this world for another one...someone who wants to simplify her life...not be a part of this consumerist society that says...one more thing...a new TV...a nicer car...more stuff....I think my whole life I have been getting rid of stuff just to buy more stuff....how does one stop the cycle???? There has to be more to life than stuff.....hmm...definitely something to think about....how much stuff do I have that I don't need....but better yet.....how do I go about simplifying my life.....not just with stuff...but with time...with silence....with listening....with learning....

Saturday Night

Well as I was at church on Saturday night, during worship I heard God. But many times before in my life I have heard God, many times He has spoken to me. Words of healing, words of peace, words of profound love. And most of these times I cried, I bawled at the awesome holiness of God. But this past Saturday, I did not cry, I did not even want to. All I wanted to do was laugh...at the absolute awesomeness of God. To say that I was changed is too small a word. To say that I have a new perspective is too small as well. A paradigm shift would work, but this would also not suffice to explain what happened to me. And I cannot put into words what did happen. God said to me I have cried enough, I have been sad too long. I have fought my place in this world as though I had some choice in what I am called to do. But I also know that after Saturday night I cannot be who I was...I want to be who I am becoming. And the really cool part is I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I finally dropped all the junk that I have been carrying around. All that stuff that makes you angry or frustrated or irritated. I came to the conclusion that things like success, money and power mean very little to me, if they mean anything at all. But I must say that the one thing I took away from Saturday night is I am done "going through the motions". And I am okay if the place God leads me to is not safe. Because I am tired of just being here....just acting like I am doing what God wants me to do...playing it safe...a car payment...rent...a nice job....I am ready for a change...not sure what that means...but I am ready...and all I am doing is seeking God ....His face not His hand for I want nothing...except Him. My prayer is that I get enough of Jesus to make me miserable...miserable in the sense that I realize this life is nothing compared to heaven....in short I want Jesus to ruin my life. In the best possible way. Spoil me for the things of this world Lord...spoil me until all I am is who You want me to be....teach me to love recklessley.....listen without judgement.....love the unlovely...and give till there is nothing left to give....bottom line....and I hear these words over and over again....."I GET IT!"......