Saturday Night

Well as I was at church on Saturday night, during worship I heard God. But many times before in my life I have heard God, many times He has spoken to me. Words of healing, words of peace, words of profound love. And most of these times I cried, I bawled at the awesome holiness of God. But this past Saturday, I did not cry, I did not even want to. All I wanted to do was laugh...at the absolute awesomeness of God. To say that I was changed is too small a word. To say that I have a new perspective is too small as well. A paradigm shift would work, but this would also not suffice to explain what happened to me. And I cannot put into words what did happen. God said to me I have cried enough, I have been sad too long. I have fought my place in this world as though I had some choice in what I am called to do. But I also know that after Saturday night I cannot be who I was...I want to be who I am becoming. And the really cool part is I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I finally dropped all the junk that I have been carrying around. All that stuff that makes you angry or frustrated or irritated. I came to the conclusion that things like success, money and power mean very little to me, if they mean anything at all. But I must say that the one thing I took away from Saturday night is I am done "going through the motions". And I am okay if the place God leads me to is not safe. Because I am tired of just being here....just acting like I am doing what God wants me to do...playing it safe...a car payment...rent...a nice job....I am ready for a change...not sure what that means...but I am ready...and all I am doing is seeking God ....His face not His hand for I want nothing...except Him. My prayer is that I get enough of Jesus to make me miserable...miserable in the sense that I realize this life is nothing compared to heaven....in short I want Jesus to ruin my life. In the best possible way. Spoil me for the things of this world Lord...spoil me until all I am is who You want me to be....teach me to love recklessley.....listen without judgement.....love the unlovely...and give till there is nothing left to give....bottom line....and I hear these words over and over again....."I GET IT!"......